Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
