god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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