His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
