im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
