I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's blow job season.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
