it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
