You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
