i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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