just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
