Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
