im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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