I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
