Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
