just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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