she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
