I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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