Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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