I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
