where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
