Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
