don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize