It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
