i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
