Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drunk is not a location!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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