soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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