so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
