I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
