bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I party with great urgency now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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