ugly people sure do ruin things
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
