I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
