just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
