When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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