yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
