its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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