wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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