Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
