my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
