Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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