i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
