You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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