one might say we're banned from that church
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
