My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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