I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
