i need an iv and a liver transplant
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
