when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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