I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
