Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
