at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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