I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
