haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
