You just made me feel so damn special
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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