She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
