are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
